Together We Heal

Together We Heal is for any who suffer from the trauma of Childhood Sexual Abuse. We are here to provide a safe forum for survivors of abuse to share, learn and heal, give direction to those seeking guidance and to expose sexual predators for what they are and their methods of getting into our lives.

Pedophiles are like Serial Killers – My Story by David Pittman

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My name is David Pittman – For 30 years I’ve been keeping a secret that almost killed me. From the time I was 12 until I was 15, I was sexually abused by my youth minister at Rehoboth Baptist Church in Tucker, GA. His name is Frankie Wiley, full name Franklin Andrew Wiley. Due to the pathetic statute of limitation laws in Georgia and almost every state in the USA, he walks free. And up until recently he was serving as an associate minister at Trinity Baptist Church in Ashburn, Ga. While he no longer holds an “official” position at the church, he still has access to little boys because the pastor of the church defends him. I have been told they grew up together so he’s allowing this confessed child molester continued access to potential victims of sexual abuse.

In 2006, I found Frankie serving as youth minister at Jodeco Road Baptist Church, where Jerry Light was the Pastor. I contacted Pastor Light, told him my story and he and the Chairman of Deacons, after doing their due diligence about my story, confronted Frankie. Frankie admitted to both men that he had sexually abused me. They fired him on the spot. He then went back to get help from a family at a previous church in Flowery Branch, Ga. When they were made aware of the circumstances, they too told him to leave. He returned to his hometown and got a job with the school as a substitute teacher and when I told the superintendent, Ray Jordan, he fired him. I continue to track his activity with children and if you look at his Facebook or MySpace pages they are filled with preteens and teenagers as he has a whole new world of potential victims.

There is an important update I need to give you as the reader. I first posted this article in October of 2012, but as of March 12th, 2014, a total of 7 men have come forward, from three different churches, whose ages ranged from 9 to 15, that Frankie raped, molested or sexually assaulted in some way prior to, during or after the time he was sexually abusing me. Their names are Cale Harbour, Christopher Elrod, and sadly one is now deceased, Andy Harrell. Andy gave me permission to use his name prior to is death in 2012. Unfortunately 3 others are not in an emotional place of healing and told me “they just can’t talk about it right now” and I know how they feel. It’s how myself, Cale and Christopher felt for many years. But they reached out to me because they thought all this time they were the only ones and needed to talk to someone who understood what they had been through.

It’s important that you know how Frankie and other sexual predators like him operate. He invites 2-3 boys over to his house for sleepovers. He keeps 1 or 2 in another room and has the other boy stay with him in his bed. This is where the molestation, abuse and rape takes place. Or he will tell you that several boys are staying over and when you arrive, you are the only one…trapped.

These vultures go after others like me who came from a family of divorce or worse. They take advantage of the vulnerability; a young boy simply wanting attention from a male role model. This is their “play”, also known as “grooming” and how it eventually leads to the abuse. God only knows how many there actually are-which is why I am writing this. The National Crime Statistics say “an uncaught child molester has approximately 117 victims.” And one young man I mentioned, can no longer speak at all-he died in June 2012. According to what he told me, because of the shame and guilt from being molested by Frankie Wiley, he took drugs to numb the pain, the drugs lowered his ability to make proper decisions, and in the end it cost him his life. It seems clear to me that the blood of his death is on the hands of Frankie Wiley.

Since the state of GA has a pathetic statute of limitations on child rape, I am unable to bring him to justice. I called Mr. Kenneth Keene at the Georgia Baptist Convention to inform him of this pedophile using his church as a haven for hunting. His response was to pray for me and say “sorry but each church acts separately and there is nothing we can do.” After two conversations, I wanted to tell him that Frankie had moved churches, but he wouldn’t take my calls or emails. It appears the Southern Baptist Convention, as an organization, is following in the footsteps of the Roman Catholic Church. It prefers to deny and cover-up rather than own up to the evil within. It knows the moment it admits to what is actually happening, it’s potentially opened up to lawsuits, and it seems the Southern Baptist Convention would rather have more children abused, molested and raped, than admit wrongdoing, take these pedophiles out of its churches and possibly pay money to the victims.

But don’t take just my word for it, an organization has found countless leaders within the Baptist Church who know of instances of abuse and choose to do nothing. Mr. Keene is listed among them.

“The only thing needed for the triumph of evil is for good people to do nothing.”
– Edmund Burke

http://stopbaptistpredators.org/blind_baptist_leaders.html

How many other adults out there have suffered this atrocity and are unable to bring their abusers to justice due to the insufficient laws held by almost every state in the land? Sexual predators know this and count on it. They count on us not saying anything until it is legally too late. The reason being, most survivors of abuse aren’t capable of acknowledging what happened to them until, on average, we are in our 30’s and 40’s. The statute of limitations in almost every state runs out between the ages of 18 to 23. It’s simple math for sexual predators and the organizations that protect them.

When Dr. Light contacted the pastor of Trinity Baptist, Rodney Brown, with verification that Frankie Wiley admitted to sexually molesting/abusing me, all he said he would do was to bring it to the church. While Frankie is no longer “on staff”, he is still active with the youth. What they fail to understand is these predators NEVER stop until they are caught and incarcerated or deceased. The deacons and leadership at Trinity are either ignorant or being negligent or both in failing to protect the children within their care. When I sent an email to the parents of Trinity Baptist, after the pastor failed to tell them, he called me and said I was a bad person. Pastor Rodney Brown said I caused a split in “HIS” church. To which I replied, “pastor, first of all, it’s not YOUR church. The “church” is the people who make up the body of Christ, not the person standing in the pulpit. And who is the bad person here? Me, for letting the parents of Trinity know about an admitted child molester with access to their children, or you, who CHOSE to keep it secret until you were FORCED to admit what I told them was the truth? And hearing that the church split tells me that half of the people there didn’t agree with you in allowing this sexual predator to continue to be around their children.” Below you will find a link to Trinity Baptist Church where they proudly list Frankie as their worship leader. Is this the type of church you want to send your little boys and feel safe about doing it?

http://www.usgennet.org/usa/ga/county/turner/trinity.html

And to any of the aforementioned people who would deny anything I have spelled out in this letter. I challenge them to submit to a lie-detector test. I am more than willing to do so and testify under oath. Myself, Cale and Christopher have the one thing they don’t…the truth.

I wonder how many parents of the children Jerry Sandusky molested wished they had this kind of information. How many little boys would still have their innocence? How many little boys would have been protected? To me, this pastor is WORSE than the pedophile. A pedophile is sick and won’t stop until incarcerated or deceased. Rodney Brown, like the administrators at Penn State, or the church leaders in the RCC, CHOSE to protect the monster in their midst.

We have started a non-profit, 501(c)(3), charitable organization and advocacy group that will help others like me who were robbed of their innocence and struggle every day with a way to stay alive. We provide guidance at no charge to those in need, educate parents on how to better protect their children and lead a monthly support group for survivors of CSA. Below are the various ways you can learn more about the support we provide survivors of childhood sexual abuse.

together-we-heal.org – Visit our website
@together_weheal – Follow us on Twitter

http://www.facebook.com/Togetherwehealorg – “Like” us on Facebook
http://www.facebook.com/groups/togetherweheal – Join the TWH Facebook group

Please share this information to everyone you know. The reason why I ask this is because survivors of molestation and abuse might not speak out…but they will read in private if they see helpful sites like these posted on your wall. You may never know who you are helping, but believe me you will. I know because it took me almost 30 years to finally acknowledge and address what happened and that allowed me to begin the process of healing. I simply don’t want any other survivors to feel like I did for so long – alone.

My childhood voice was strangled by the rope of molestation. My assailant is free (for now), but with your help other victims will have the courage to come forward in time to incarcerate these predators. Most survivors have a similar feeling; one of feeling trapped—having to relive the crime that keeps them silent, it even costs some of them their lives. Too many have committed suicide because they did not have the tools to handle the trauma, others (including myself) turned to drugs and alcohol to numb their pain (many times ending in an overdose). And even more who are never able to have any kind of life. No loving relationships, no lasting friendships, no children to show true parental love – all due to the pain caused by the crime of abuse, molestation and rape.

I was told by a GBI investigator in 2006 something that has stuck with me to this day…”a pedophile is like a serial killer that leaves his victims alive.”

I believe that most accurately describes a pedophile/sexual predator. It’s truth articulated.

Frankie served as a music and/or youth minister at the following churches from the mid to late 70’s to 2011 – if you or anyone you know has concerns or questions, please contact me.

Pinecrest Baptist Church, Cordele, Ga.
Rehoboth Baptist, Tucker, Ga.
Second Avenue Baptist, Rome, Ga.
A Baptist church in Flowery Branch, Ga.
Jodeco Road Baptist, Stockbridge, Ga.
Trinity Baptist, Ashburn, Ga.

He also worked as a substitute teacher at the local school system in Ashburn, Ga., sometime around 2009-2011.

If you or anyone you know has been sexually abused by Frankie Wiley or by anyone, please reach out to someone, things are different now, you WILL be believed, you are NOT alone. Please, reach out…there are people you can trust now.

9/25/2013 – An Update on the Pedophile/Sexual Predator, Frankie Wiley…

There is now an even more recent update that validates everything we thought, and reaffirms all we knew. I am posting what ANOTHER victim of his sent to me below:

At one time I thought I was the only person Frankie Wiley sexually molested while I was in the youth group at Rehoboth Baptist Church in Tucker, Ga. I have since learned that there were more before me, at Rehoboth, and several after at other churches. Today I have learned this goes back long before RBC. And this also exposes another lie Frankie has told in his attempt to justify his pedophile and sexual predatory actions. He told me the reason he molested and raped me was because he was raped in seminary. Not that it’s any type of rationale, just the reason he gave. It turns out, he’s been molesting little boys for a long time before that. Below is a comment posted to the TWH website from a victim of Frankie’s that happened long before Rehoboth and seminary and the cover-up that’s been going on to protect him. This folks, is why we do what we do. To this day, Frankie has access to little boys and we have to expose him for what he is to try to protect them from going through what an untold number of little boys already have. Please call Trinity Baptist Church in Ashburn, Ga and demand they remove Frankie’s access to children before another falls victim.

The victims story follows…and read how to this day he feels responsible for what Frankie did to him. That’s the control these predators have over children…

—–

I just wanted to let you know that I too encountered Frankie Wiley in my youth, growing up in Ashburn GA. It was pretty well-known in the ’70s that he was molesting kids. I know of several other boys besides myself during that time. I see you also mention Rodney Brown, and if that is the old Pastor Brown’s son from Sycamore, then he knew about Frankie back then too. I think Rodney was about Frankie’s age, or maybe a few years older, and he and his brother Eddie both knew about Frankie, heck just about everyone in town did. Back then people just called him queer and other names and kind of turned their back, perhaps most not really knowing that he was actually molesting young boys in the church. But all the kids knew. This is when Frankie was in his 20s and he was always involved in leading some kind of youth group. He particularly liked to organize campouts for boys. You get the idea.

At the time when I ended all contact with Frankie, despite his efforts to contact me, I believe he was the Minister of Music at a church in Cordele, GA. That doesn’t seem to be on your list. This would have been somewhere around 1975 or 76. Seems like he was also involved in a church musical group called Maranatha out of Cordele too.

From time to time over the years I’ve looked online to see if he ever got caught or punished, and this website (together-we-heal.org) is the first time I ever found anything mentioning him. Apparently he still goes UNPUNISHED and UNREFORMED. In my case this was nearly 40 years ago, so that would make him in his mid-60’s now I think. And he’s probably done the same stuff for 40 years. Even though there were at least 3 incidents I recall, I’ve lived a pretty normal life and been able to cope, I think. I’m sure the scars have caused me some problems, but I’ve never talked about it and never told anyone that I was molested as a child, much less publicly accused Frankie. I’m probably not interested in coming forward now either, after all these years. But after finding this site I had to at least post a note. I’ve put in an email address that will actually reach me, it’s real but anonymized.

If I can provide any information that will help your cause then I’ll consider it, but I’ll probably not make my own identity public. I don’t really want to open up that old wound again, and don’t really want to admit to people who know me that this happened. Yes I was a child, but I feel like I somehow allowed it to happen too, being at a very susceptible age. So I remain ashamed to this day.

—–

Notice how this latest victim coming forward feels responsible for what Frankie did to him? This is why we must protect the children that are currently in harm’s way. Even after being sexually abused, the victim often times feels as though it was something they did to allow it to happen. The ONLY one to blame here is Frankie Wiley! Frankie is the sexual predator. This child did NOTHING to deserve this. Help us to help survivors of childhood sexual abuse, educate families on keeping children safer and identifying and prosecuting predators like Wiley.

Copyright © 2013 Together We Heal

Author: Together We Heal

In 2006 David took the first step in acknowledging the sexual abuse that was perpetrated against him from the ages of 12 to 15. During those 3 years, the foundation his family had worked so hard to build within him was destroyed by one man, his youth minister. The result was his heart, mind and faith were lost. After having kept this secret for more than 25 years, he was finally able to reveal to his family and friends the reason behind the addiction and self-destruction that at times had him incarcerated, eventually left him destitute and nearly ended his life. Fortunately he was blessed with amazing friends and a loving family who helped him get the help and therapy he so desperately needed. He was finally able to get clean from the grip of addiction and face the demon of sexual abuse that had clouded his life for so long. Now he and his wife work to aid their fellow survivors through the non-profit they created, Together We Heal. The mission of Together We Heal is to provide guidance for survivors of childhood sexual abuse, educating parents and all adults through public speaking on matters concerning Childhood Sexual Abuse and giving a safe forum for victims of abuse to share, learn and heal. "To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.” - Dr. Seuss Follow us on Twitter @Together_WeHeal "Like" us on Facebook - www.facebook.com/Togetherwehealorg Visit our website - together-we-heal.org

68 thoughts on “Pedophiles are like Serial Killers – My Story by David Pittman

  1. Reblogged this on misunderstood27 and commented:
    I have to say after reading this, it upsets me when the law doesn’t act on these type of people. Especially when we as the victims speak up about the abuse and basically being humiliated about it. This is just sad. I went to my school guidance counselor and told them about the situation and the recorded me and etc. Well guess what nothing happen to the guy. Not only did I feel humiliated, hurt, confused, embarrassed, I had to take matters in my own hands. O basically took 20 something sleeping pills, with a mixture of Tylenol. Sleeping pills so that I can sleep thru the pain and Tylenol so I wouldn’t have to feel anything. Then after taking a certain amount of sleeping pills, I start taking Tylenol for the headaches, I was dealing with. So basically in the end I was try to kill myself. Everyday I am still dealing with this burden. Dealing with emotions, anger, disappoint in myself. I am 27 year old with two children, married, nice car, nice house and have a g.p.a. 3.02 in college and I am still not happy. I push and hurt other people because I am still in pain. I don’t mean too but I do it. That’s why everything is slowly disappearing. Marriage, house, family and etc. All I have is my two kids. Don’t trust anyone. This is a sad life to live. I feel for all the victims who are going thru this and I feel more for the ones who are going thru this and have no one to depend on or understands you. That’s why I started my blog. What I put on there is everything I am going thru and feeling. I don’t sugar coat anything. I just keep my feeling 100%. Hopefully it will let others know that they are never alone. I am an ordinary person who is going thru what you are.
    misunderstood27.WordPress.com

  2. David, I am glad that we met and started talking recently on Twitter. Thank you for sharing your story. I am looking forward to talking with you and Lucinda Bassett on Thursday and hearing more of your story. My incest abusers were an uncle and my dad. I know that with hard work and with time healing does take place. For me, everything started with learning to love myself. A support system was very important in my healing too. I used my family, friends, a few counselors and mostly 12-Step programs to talk my hurt and anger out. I also write so that I can see my thoughts on paper. I figure out what I am feeling by writing my thoughts down. I had shut down my feelings in order to survive the pain of the betrayal of incest. Today, I have a good life with my husband of 40 years who has been here with me through all of it – the good, the bad and the Hell of incest and its issues that still affected me even when I wanted to pretend that it didn’t. I had to accept that the incest happened and that nothing was going to take the pain away until I dealt with my issues. I know that you can heal and that you can have a good life. I do. That doesn’t mean that issues don’t sometimes come up for me. They do but they don’t last as long and the intensity isn’t as bad as it used to be. Today, I know that whatever pain comes up, I will survive. I know that if I can, anybody can.

    • The feeling is mutual Patricia. I too am looking forward to the show and hoping that together we can help even more survivors than we thought possible. While we have taken different paths to heal, the bottom line, is that we can show others out there if we can go through what we did and come out on the other side alive, and yes even thriving, they too can do it. You are an inspiration to myself and many others! God bless you for speaking out and being willing to help so many. I count it an honor to call you my friend…even though it’s been just a short time, I feel as though I’ve known you all my life!!

  3. I am so sorry this happened to you. It is a wonderful thing that you are using your life and your story to help others.

    The man who sexually abused me was my uncle. For years before I was born he worked as a youth leader at churches, and that was where he found many of his victims. At the time some of those churches and pastors chose to help cover up his crimes and defend him.

    • First let me say thank you for your kind and encouraging words. I too am sorry you went through what you did. The kind of betrayal we experienced is unlike most others. Not only were we betrayed by an individual who used their authority over us to commit the most heinous of crimes, we were also betrayed by the very institution that we felt would do the most to protect us…the church. If you are anything like me, for a while I wondered if there could even be a God. But eventually I figured out that God did not abandon me, it was people. please know I am always here as your fellow survivor. And together we can do even more to help other survivors and protect children from going through what we did. Bless you and may you have peace always.

  4. David thank you for sharing your story. I was reminded of so many of the victims in my book. Like you I have publicly named and shamed them because the authorities seem so resolute to require more and more proof as the cases of abuse are left 20 or 30 years until someone reports them and they are deemed not credible witnesses because they are now suffering from psychological illness or in some cases have criminal pasts. The perpetrators of abuse bank on this to ply their evil trade. It never ceases to amaze me how hard it was to get legal attention when I was trying to go through the police and Church authorities and how much attention I am getting from lawyers now wanting to sue me for darling to name these imposters. I am confident that the new names of victims I now have coming forward, will vindicate me and shame further those daring to deny the allegations that they acted inappropriately. Please pray for each other. You can read my book Unholy Silence which is available through my website unholysilence.com and see so many familiar patterns as the grooming efforts of Frankie freak!

    • Hey Kevin, I’m about a third of the way through your book and am comfortable enough now to endorse it. Thank you for sharing your story. May God bless you and your family as you help shine the light on those who choose to cover-up the sins and shame of the church!

  5. I am also a survivor of child sexual abuse and incest. My blog is http://addresschildsexualabuse.blogspot.com One of my most resent posts was similar to yours. I called my post, “Pedophiles are Serial Killers of Childhoods”. I looked up my posts title on the internet and came upon your blog. I have many blogs about child sexual abuse bookmarked for networking and I personally believe that we all need to belong to some kind of community. So I always count people such as your self among my community of survivors. There is strength in numbers. I look forward to delving more into your blog and the healing words you share. Peace.

    • Thank you for your kind words and I will be reading over your blog as well. It’s always an honor to connect with another survivor and work together to help our fellow survivors. Anything we can do to help educate others, know you have my personal support and that of our organization, “Together We Heal”. Be sure to follow us on twitter @Together_WeHeal. Peace be with you.

      David

  6. David, Thank you for sharing your unfortunate story about sexual abuse . It is very important for you to tell your story so others will learn about this terrible crime and the perpetrators whom prey on innocent young victims I wish you didn’t have to experience this horrendous crime but your speaking out and telling others will hopefully free you and inform everyone about the calculating, manipulative mind of a sexual predator. I live in Pennsylvania and Jerry Sandusky comes to mind…. He is another person who shouldn’t have had exposure to young boys and he sodomized many young, innocent boys. As a few came forward so many more testified and others were involved. After this crime went public, the reporting of child sexual abuse in PA rose considerably. You must share your story so others can learn and you may heal yourself. My hope is that you become a stronger more loving and better person through all of this. You didn’t do anything to cause this. Be Well and Never Stop telling your Story…..I wish you Happiness and Peace…..BE WELL!
    A concerned parent of two boys who were victims of a female pedophile…employee at my husbands professional dental practice…UNBELIEVABLE I’M WRITING A BOOK….BTW….My husband has decided he’s leaving our 30 year marriage for this perpetrator.

    • Hi Debra, first let me say thank you for your words of encouragement. Second, I’m so sorry for what your boys have been through and what it’s cost your family. My hope is that you are able to get them the professional help they desperately need. You don’t want them to end up doing what I did and self-medicate and-or self-harm due to the abuse.

      I wish I could say some magic words that would make it all better. All I can tell you is that both myself and our organization are here to help in any way we can.

      David

  7. I applaud you for the immense amount of courage you have shown by coming forward. I can’t imagine how devastating this was for you. But you have chosen to use your experience to help others and become a champion for giving a voice to victims everywhere. That quote you posted is beyond accurate. Pedophiles really are like serial killers. Thank you for all that you do to help make this world a better place. I just wish that one day the laws could be changed to protect victims instead of criminals.

    • Thank you so much Dee. And I couldn’t agree more. We’ve changed the laws here in Florida and folks need to demand from each state legislature the same, NO MORE STATUTE OF LIMITATIONS!! We have to speak up and demand it because, sadly, of we don’t, nothing will be done. Thank you again for your words of encouragement!

  8. So much incredible pain. Reading this brings my pain back that I try not to feel most of my life. I volunteer for communities against sexual assaults. Our judicial system needs a major overhaul in this area and I believe we need to focus on anonymous help for perpetrators so we can lessen the damage (that is putting it too mild). Thank you all for sharing, my prayers are with you and I wish this wasn’t an option for connecting with other people.

    • Thank you for sharing Mary and I’m sorry to have brought up such a painful memory. Please know my thoughts and prayers are with you. You’re right, a total overhaul is needed if any help is to be given to our fellow survivors and the children yet to be harmed. Together we must stand and hold the so-called lawmakers feet to the fire until they do something to protect the survivors instead of the predators. Peace be with you my friend.

  9. Your an amazing individual Dave, and I admire you for your strength. I wish you much success!

    • Hey nicole, it’s so great to hear from you! First let me say thank you for the kind words and encouragement, but also tell me how things are going at KOF? I really miss some of you guys! It was always a pleasure working with you!

      Let’s have a catch-up call sometime if you like! 🙂

  10. I don’t know where or how to start. I ONLY want results & seek to offend NO ONE!! Aren’t babies born innocent ? Some are born with chemical imbalances leading to addictions, violence, etc.- not their fault – & some make poor choices for a variety of reasons, but harming others must be prevented FAR more than it is. We are programmed to learn what we live (THAT often leads to CYCLING abuse, though some is dependent on if good mentor comes at appropriate times, amount of dysfunction in our home & general environment, ETC). Studies have long shown that something like 80% of those who become pedophiles, prostitutes, pimps, drug lords, ETC. were abused themselves. Trying to say this in a few words is impossible, but consider ideas below!!

    I’ll stick to the U.S., but I suspect virtually anyone reading this agrees that our society is getting increasingly dysfunctional. WHY? I believe it is because of the power of compounding (figure out what daily doubling a penny becomes in one month- $.01, $.02, $.0 4, $.08….- it always boggles my brain & I am a former math teacher) & fact that everything is interrelated (failure to look at the Big Picture & Connect the Dots which leads to David’s quoting Burke- “All it takes for evil to flourish is for good people to do nothing”). Use of lots cliches help as have withstood test of time.

    WHAT is required? Coordination of efforts of diverse groups – such as David’s, political action groups, religious groups, ETC. – + DEMAND by LOTS more public (YOU) that “We the People Who Take These Truths to be Self-Evident” (like freedom from abuse, including fair legal system- google Judicial Hellhole- SHAME on us) REQUIRE that ALL major media WILL expose it UNTIL our elected officials establish enforceable remedies. How about suggesting CONTESTS including incentives, FOR COMPASSIONATE CONSTRUCTIVE IDEAS (ONLY way that’s fair & ONLY way that will work since otherwise too many with power & control get too defensive, no doubt some of whom were abused/abusers)? One major topic must be legal abuse. It causes expensive & defensive & abusive practices in business, health care, individual & family issues worst being abusive custody ordered by judges & often enabled by child protective services & some lawyers, etc., which of course fosters cycling abuse!

    Other topics must be REQUIRED- preventive programs in schools such as Atty. Lynn Gold-Bikin’s “Partners”- high school program where charades are used to discuss relationship issues (could be modified for k-12). COST MUST also be a topic. The Tennessean.com estimated that they saved $4 for every dollar spent to prevent child abuse. The TENTH Battered Mothers’ Custody Conference, BMCC, (Last one -3 days Mothers’ Day wkd in D.C., lectures by noted speakers at local law school, followed by ~4th march in front of White House) reported that the CDC (Center for Disease Control) estimates $500 BILLION per YEAR is spent on health-related costs due to child abuse! All Congress was given copy of the award-winning documentary, NoWayOutButOne, NWOBO,where mother & kids finally got asylum in the Netherlands one yr after judge ordered- “I know there has been abuse, but I am giving custody to the father because the mother has been ‘so emotion’- he used synonym- about it.” Hospital documentation proved that father hitting the son caused brain damage! In this case persistent mom raised kids to have min. psych. damage.

    TODAY, June 17, 2013- front page Arts Section of NYTimes- “Sexual Trafficking, Up Close & Personal,” reviewing a play, “Roadkill.” Bold caption- “A girl’s bus ride from innocence to exploitation.” It includes that female pimp was abused as child herself. HOWEVER, NYT was given data BY ME re NWOBO (I helped get it off the ground, ETC) when it 1st came out mid 2011 & refused to cover it AND has never covered the BMCCs. NYT also interviewed me & Chana Taub, Brooklyn, NY, for SEVEN hours – twisting what we said & official data presented- in 2008 re now still ongoing (8 yrs) divorce/bankruptcy (though judge said husband worth at least $41 million)/ extortion- husband got mere 3 mo. probation for covering up sex abuse by rabbi of youngest son- whom he stole custody of & courts ignored/lots other abuse in court testimonies/RICO filed & dismissed as frivolous though tons official data given re tax evasion, ETC/interference with oldest step-daughter’s also long-ongoing divorce & custody dispute though that father had 2-3 yrs criminal court order for indicated finding of sexual touching of 10yr old daughter/ETC, ETC!! In NYT defense they have been writing increasing articles re legal abuse & published Mar. 5, 2013- “Home Is Where the Harm Is-” though opening was re international child abduction & sort of defended judges’ decisions re abusive custody & abductions, & surely failed to give impression (Probably required for noted author Joan Meier to get printed) that some judges, CPAs, etc. deliberately abuse the system or that study (on google legal abuse site) showed divorce issues comprise biggest money maker for civil legal system. NWOB quotes study that ~58,000 cases of abusive custody occur per year, & MOST drag on issues for most/all of kids’ childhood! What do YOU are often the results of that?????

    I report to Pres. Obama’s Post on Violence Against Women (of course includes against all their kids, & acknowledges sometimes it is the mothers who are abusive; I have 3 sons, 2 stepsons, 6 grandkids, have been remarried 20 yrs, was 1st married 23 yrs to a very high- powered lawyer, & am Exec. Dir. of the Advisory Bd. to the Nat’l Coalition for Family Justice-gender-neutral 501C3 ; I have NO desire to become a public person, but I’m in 6 WhosWhos due to lifetime public advocacy. My blog, etc. pops up when you google my name so someone obviously wants my positions to become more public. I ONLY seek compassionate, constructive results & fear we may do too little too late. Theme- OUR KIDS ‘KANT’ WAIT, SO NEITHER CAN WE!!

    PS- KNOW that when one tries to print out DAVID’s Oct. 1, 2012 ARTICLE , starting with side 2 it prints ONE PG ON TOP OF ANOTHER so NOT readable. I SUSPECT INTERFERENCE as I & others have had it OFTEN (me AGAIN just a few days ago when I tried to respond online to NYT article. Site said “Line Error” for 5 hrs, then comments closed. NO problem on my end!)!

  11. Dear David, thank you so much for sharing your story. I too was abused as a child by my own older brother and his teenage buddies. Eventually through therapy and God I healed. I have even confronted them all and let them know that I forgive them and hope that they get help like I did and that I loved them just as God would want me too.
    I am very proud of you for giving hope to others with your story. I am very honored to read your blog. God Bless you.
    Sincerely
    Rick Clarke

    • Hi Rick, I’m always honored when I hear a story like yours. It’s because of fellow survivors like yourself that I continue to write and do the work we do. I’m so thankful you have found a healing path and please know you are never alone in this journey. We will always be here for you and with you. Peace be with you my friend. Let us know if there’s anything we can do to help you along your healing process.

  12. Hello David,

    Thank you for sharing your story with the world. I am so sorry to hear about your victimization and applaud your efforts to make a difference and shed light on child sex abuse.
    Based on what you wrote, the laws clearly need to be amended. Have you contacted the governor and the media in your state?

    • Fortunately the state I currently live in, Florida, has already made a change. Sadly, all other states are not so forward thinking. Some are trying, but there are people in high positions keeping it from happening.

  13. I came across this blog while requesting volunteer information at our local CASA. I have read alot of the comments and have personal experience in this… matter of fact it seems to be a life purpose kind of thing for me. How did I overcome…. my slogan of Break the Cycle, as one of your comments lead to the fact statistics show abused will sometimes recycle that abuse. It takes so much pride and frustration to speak out, to be vulnerable over and over again, but we, as human all need to belong to something positive, feel accepted and this type of criminal activity is often well hinden from our human eyes, ears, and to speak of it… well there is a time and place. Of course I do not always caution myself on time and place because it was in my studies of social work that I learned slavery stills exists in human/sexual trafficking and I have not been able to just say “that does not concern me”. Some people function with the abuse hinden beneath the skin, invisible to the world and coping in ways that is generally accepted by the public, i.e. drugs, alcohol, unsafe sex, self multilation, eating disorders, professions in aggressive sports. In all my baffled thoughts on how human could human in a sexual way…. this has been the nagging question in my head/heart… does sexual abuse, inappropriatness lead to LGBT lifestyles?

    • last line…. thoughts on how humans could hurt humans in a sexual way….

    • I will be the first to say, I don’t have all the answers. All I can tell you is what I believe. And what I believe is that homosexuality and pedophilia are two separate things. Now do I believe CSA causes some to be so confused about their sexuality that they may explore a LGBT lifestyle? Perhaps. But I believe more so that most people are born with a variety of sexual orientations ranging from gay to straight and many places in-between. (see Kinsey research)

      I base this belief on two things. First, the confusion I had being sexually abused by a man and realizing that’s all it was, confusion. I am straight, but what the abuser did to me caused me an exceeding amount of emotional turmoil. Second, there have been scientific studies showing an increased size of the hypothalamus gland in deceased homosexual men versus heterosexual men. This is a clear physiological difference. While not a scientific fact yet, it is preliminary research showing differences that may mean people are born with different types of sexual orientation. (see D.F. Swaab research 1990)

      Now, having said all of that, let me address an even more important differentiation, please don’t ever confuse a homosexual with a pedophile. A pedophile is a person with a sickness that goes beyond the pale of human cruelty. While a homosexual is simply one who is attracted to the same sex AND of the same age or at least LEGAL age. Please don’t ever confuse a homosexual for being a criminal.

      While you may disagree with me on religious grounds, there is no debate on legal terms. Unless you want to argue the particulars of archaic laws that would also have heterosexual couples arrested for the same so-called crimes.

      I hope this has been some help. And may we all find the peace we so dearly deserve as survivors of CSA.

      • Thanks David for your time and response! Personally a crime is a crime no matter who commits it. While I posed this question under your article on pedophile, I in no way meant to offend anyone of any sexual orientation, nor imply homosexual orientation can lead to criminality. Thank you for the reference research material, I will take advantage of it. I don’t disagree with you on anything here. i appreciate there is a place where those abused can go to and speak openly about for the education and the healing. Thanks again appreciate your time and strength to support others while we all heal as CSA.

      • Just as I commented to a previous reader, I’m so glad we were able to clear up any misunderstandings. All I want is to provide the best information possible and a safe place for survivors of CSA. thank you for taking the time to read our blog. I know how busy everyone is and the fact that you take time out of your busy schedule to read what we print says you care and want to help others and that means the world to me. Please know how much I appreciate you!

      • You Rock!!!!! I did pose the question as a seperate link and it has had some good reflection and insight.

      • Always glad to hear our readers are having a positive experience in both giving and receiving input!

  14. You do rock. I forgot to say thank you for posting your story. You are a mentor, especially for men who have been abused, which is a truly great thing to be.

  15. Dave, thank you for your heroic work. As you know, I had deviant scumballs rip me to pieces as well when I was a kid, which led to my allowing deviant scumballs to rip me apart as an adult. When your whole sense of worth is focused on your just being a piece of meat to hurt, you begin to join in and hurt yourself. It took years for me to realize self hatred was actually a bad thing, and years more to teach myself to stop doing it. Loving yourself, for an abuse victim, is monumentally difficult. Your words and actions help us to realize that we don’t have to cling to that mindset. That even we, the most wretched and heartbroken of people, can look in the mirror and love who looks back at us. It just takes a lot of work. Keep going, my friend. This is sacred work you’re doing.

  16. It is very unfortunate that many of you had to experience the abuse. I want to say, I’m sorry that the criminal justice system has failed you. As a police detective, I see many victims that we can only ptovide limited service too. I have worked cases where I know the victim, a male has denied being a victim of same sex abuse. I think some of it is embarrassment,sham,fear,lack of trust, or they just want to forgett about the pain. I think the states should change , in Michigan , the statues of limitation is 10 years or 21 years of age which ever is later. So, a 15 yr. old victim has until they are 25. I think there needs to be more attention brought to this matter.

    I just had a case where I know a victim was abused starting at 2 years old, and because there is no evidence, witness, and the victim cannot tell us about the abuse,we cannot stop this certain person.

    Pedophiles do kill their victims, mentally. The victims are never the same the rest of their lives. It is sad to see the damage done, and the sentences are laughable. I see criminals sentenced longer to prison for property crimes and drug crimes, than for sex crimes. What is wrong with our judges. America is the best country in the world, but only 60% of murders are cleared , 25-35% of sex crimes are cleared, 8-10% of burglary is cleared. So, 25 sex offenders out of 100 are arrested. Who really benifits from our freedoms?

  17. Dave, thank you for your courage to share your trauma with me. By the time I was 12, I was molested by my dad, my grandpa, and my male cousin. I did not understand why this was happening to me. I still don’t. I am forgiving my dad slowly each day and month that passes. My passed in 1988. I did not recognize what had happened to until I was in my 30s. I am slowly healing. However, it is hard because I feel they took away my innocence and my ability to have intimacy in my marriages. My husband today does not understand what happened to me. He wont ask me to make love because I told him recently that I wanted to be close and snuggle an kiss, etc. He says that it is up to me to ask him since I said “no” which I did not. Anyway, I am glad for this space to talk about my trauma with people who understand the horror and the shame.
    Thank you again Dave for opening up. Prayers for your healing on your journey.

    Peace
    Sue

    • Please know that’s this place is for you and all of my fellow survivors. It’s here to give comfort and is a safe place for you to share as much or as little as you want or need. And know you can always reach me as well. My email is togetherweheal@ymail.com

      I don’t pretend to have all the answers but we do have an amazing team of volunteers and people here who will always be supportive and we will help in any way possible.

      And may we all find the peace we so dearly deserve.

      David

  18. You cannot blame yourself for what someone did to you. The worse thing in the world is to hold things inside. I am glad you spoke up, this will help you start to heal.

  19. (cross-posted, I also put this under “Southern Baptists, like Catholic Church are protecting Pedophiles” on this site, then found the original story here.)

    Hi David,

    I just wanted to let you know that I too encountered Frankie Wiley in my youth, growing up in Ashburn GA. It was pretty well known in the ’70s that he was molesting kids. I know of several other boys besides myself during that time. I see you also mention Rodney Brown, and if that is the old Pastor Brown’s son from Sycamore, then he knew about Frankie back then too. I think Rodney was about Frankie’s age, or maybe a few years older, and he and his brother Eddie both knew about Frankie, heck just about everyone in town did. Back then people just called him queer and other names and kind of turned their back, perhaps most not really knowing that he was actually molesting young boys in the church. But all the kids knew. This is when Frankie was in his 20s and he was always involved in leading some kind of youth group. He particularly liked to organize campouts for boys. You get the idea.

    At the time when I ended all contact with Frankie, despite his efforts to contact me, I believe he was the Minister of Music at a church in Cordele, GA. That doesn’t seem to be on your list. This would have been somewhere around 1975 or 76. Seems like he was also involved in a church musical group called Maranatha out of Cordele too.

    From time to time over the years I’ve looked online to see if he ever got caught or punished, and this web site is the first time I ever found anything mentioning him. Apparently he still goes unpunished and unreformed. In my case this was nearly 40 years ago, so that would make him in his mid-60′s now. And he’s probably done the same stuff for 40 years. Even though there were at least 3 incidents I recall, I’ve lived a pretty normal life and been able to cope, I think. I’m sure the scars have caused me some problems, but I’ve never talked about it and never told anyone that I was molested as a child, much less publicly accused Frankie. I’m probably not interested in coming forward now either, after all these years. But after finding this site I had to at least post a note. I’ve put in an email address that will actually reach me, it’s real but anonymized.

    If I can provide any information that will help your cause then I’ll consider it, but I’ll probably not make my own identity public. I don’t really want to open up that old wound again, and don’t really want to admit to people who know me that this happened. Yes I was a child, but I feel like I somehow allowed it to happen too, being at a very susceptible age. Frankie was not violent and didn’t force me to do anything, other than by manipulation. So I remain ashamed to this day.

    Best regards.

  20. This post is so powerful…thanks for being brave and stepping forward. In my work, as well as my personal life, I have seen the effects of boys being victimized by men. I’m sorry you are in pain and hope you find relief from what happened to you David.

    • Thank you David for the kind words and encouragement. My healing is something that takes work every day but thankfully I have an amazing family and equally amazing friends that help me. Plus, knowing that what we do here at Together We Heal helps my fellow survivors, that helps me as well. Peace be with you.

  21. Thanks for sharing your story David. Hope and pray that you continue to heal. As a society we need to do more to stop these horrific crimes! I wrote about childhood abuse in “The Journey Home.” In this story, love is able to redeem the future. Hope that is also the case for you. Blessings!

  22. Pingback: Peadophiles are like serial killers ! True story very emotional | Sexism 2wards women 2013

  23. I think you are very very special , I admire your currage and strength to get to the place were u r now and I love the way you have tried to protect the children and follow this beast around getting him fired , I agree with u on the Catholic Churches they do cover up things that make them look bad , to be honest they are probley doing it as well when they cover things up like that , makes you think because all the other places fired him !

    Very strange , don’t like to slander but……. I am entitled to my say !!

    I pray to The Lord I’m wrong ….

    Anyway keep up your good work I have posted your story on my blog http://sexism2wardswomen.wordpress.com/blog take a look and give me a little like and follow then u will get all my updates plus be nice to keep in touch x

    Thank you Sarah k Nottingham uk England xx God Bless You and all the children your trying to save and God Bless them other brave men who came forward xx I pray for your happiness x

    • Thank you Sarah for the incredibly kind and encouraging words! 🙂

      And you don’t have to worry about slander because it’s all true. I wish I could get him into court so myself and the others he’s sexually abused could all testify against him. Unfortunately the statute of limitations ran out before any of us were able to speak about it. And back in the 80’s no one talked about this sort of thing. We didn’t even have anyone we could tell if we were able.

      Thankfully now there are places and organizations that will support survivors of CSA who are brave enough to come forward.

      I have gone to your site and followed. Thanks so much for sharing my story with others. Peace be with you always. 🙂

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  31. I am sorry for what happened to you. I am recovering from sexual abuse as a child myself! I am a born again Christian that’s become victorious over this! I had to forgive my abusers(family members members) in order to heal and move on in my life! You are so right about them being like serial killers! They kill the spirit within us – that’s how they do it! It is criminal and these people need to be stopped! Thank you for your courage to speak out! I commend you and I will be praying for you and the countless other children! God bless you!

  32. Pingback: Thank you David for speaking out. | Ezekiel33Project.org

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