Together We Heal

Together We Heal is for any who suffer from the trauma of Childhood Sexual Abuse. We are here to provide a safe forum for survivors of abuse to share, learn and heal, give direction to those seeking guidance and to expose sexual predators for what they are and their methods of getting into our lives.


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Pediatric Safety Series – One Ouch is Too Many

This month, Stefanie Zucker, the Managing Director at http://www.pediatricsafety.net and all the fine folks there are running a series of ours focusing on the protection of all children from sexual predators.

Editor’s Note:

This is the first of a two part series on sexual predators written by David Pittman, the founder of Together We Heal, Inc. – an organization dedicated to helping survivors of childhood sexual abuse (CSA). We are running “How to Talk with Your Kids About Sexual Abuse” now, right in the middle of back-to-school, because now is when many of us may need a reminder the most. As we hand our children over to teachers and coaches and after-school caregivers and tell them to “listen to the teacher” and “do what the coach tells you”, we NEED to make sure we have first taught them when it’s ok to say NO. That secrets are not ok…that their bodies are their own and no one can touch them without their permission. We need to remember that 90-95% of CSA occurs at the hands of someone that is known, trusted and often loved. Hopefully by sharing this now, we will keep one more child safe.

See Part I: http://www.pediatricsafety.net/2014/09/predators-sexual-abuse/

Please be sure to view their amazing site that has so much important information on keeping all of our children safer. And what they offer isn’t just about sexual abuse, it has to do with all matters concerning child safety. So please do yourself a favor and look at the material they provide and pass along to ALL parents or guardians you know! Pediatric Safety is an AMAZING organization doing GREAT work!

Copyright © 2014 Together We Heal, Inc.


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He Would Tell Me

Recently I had the pleasure of having breakfast with my friend and colleague, Boz Tchividjian. I’m so thankful for the friendship he and I have developed and while talking he gave me one more reason to be thankful. He brought to my attention something I had not given enough consideration. It’s from his insight this article originated.

We were discussing the reasons behind why I didn’t say something about my abuse and why other survivors don’t tell or speak up while the abuse is occurring. During the conversation I told him something my mom had said to me. He stopped me and said it was important and to say it again.

He asked if there had been any indications to anyone that the abuse that was happening. I told him about one man in my life who had been a positive, male role-model for me. When I was about 13, he was talking with my mom about my abuser (but at this time no one knew) and said, “there’s something that’s not quite right about that guy spending all this time with those boys. I can’t put my finger on it but I know there’s something that’s just not right.” To which my mom said, “If something were going on with David, he would tell me.”

It’s those last four words that bears repeating…“he would tell me”.

My mom and I have a strong and healthy bond. Because my dad was not in the picture for the first 23 years of my life, it resulted in mom and I having lots of time together and the opportunity to forge an incredible relationship that we still have to this day. I would go so far as to say it’s an uncommonly good relationship as parent/child relationships go. I remember while growing up, most of my friends saying at some point, “I just can’t talk to my mom or dad about…”. I never had that issue with my mom. We were always close and always talked about everything. I remember telling her when I had sex for the first time. I told her about the first time I used drugs. When I got arrested for said drugs, it was my mom I called to bail me out. So it’s clear you can see I’ve felt comfortable enough in telling her about the good, the bad and the ugly.

All except for one thing.

And sadly it’s that “one thing” that has resulted in the majority of the misery, struggles and pitfalls of my life.

The point I’m trying to make, is that if I had such a difficult time telling my mom about the abuse, when we were so close, how much more difficult is it for children who don’t feel as close to their parents or feel the freedom to talk with them about anything and everything? Neither my mom, nor anyone else knew about my abuse until 2006.

It’s a mistaken belief that I think most parents have. They believe, as my mom did, that if there were something wrong, their children would let them know about it. Or as I said earlier, “he would tell me”.

It’s a tragic error of belief and one that I hope to reeducate all parents. No matter how close you are, or how strong your relationship, if your child is being sexually abused, it’s almost impossible for them to tell you. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent. It doesn’t mean you love them any less than other parents. It’s just beyond description how hard it is for those of us who were abused to tell anyone.

The reasons behind the “why” are as many and varied as there are individuals. We’ve discussed them previously here on the TWH blog and will do so more in the future. But for the discussion today, it’s not about the “why”, it’s about acknowledging a false assumption and correcting it.

As I said, my mom genuinely believed if someone were hurting me, I’d tell her. After all, when a student picked on me, or in one case, when a teacher was being hateful to a friend of mine with a speech impediment, I told her about that. So she had no reason to believe otherwise. Except for one important thing, back in the 70’s and 80’s, nobody talked about Childhood Sexual Abuse (CSA). Back then, all we were told was, beware of strangers and “stranger danger”. It turns out, “stranger danger” is almost a myth. 90-95% of CSA happens at the hands of someone who is known, trusted and/or loved by the child. And because no one was taking about it, there was no “Oprah’s 200” , or organizations like SNAP – Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests, G.R.A.C.E. – Godly Response to Abuse in the Christian Environment, or Together We Heal.

Due to this lack of information and groups whose entire existence is to help survivors of CSA, parents didn’t know what signs to be looking for or signals that their children might be sexually abused. “Grooming” was a term reserved for haircuts and keeping your appearance neat. Now we know better. But sadly, parents are still waiting until it’s too late to discuss CSA with their kids. This is not a one-time conversation to have when they’re 15 or 16. By that time, it’s more likely any abuse has already occurred or is still ongoing.

In order to give your child the best chance to remain safer from sexual predators/pedophiles, parents MUST start young. They must start young and have it become a “normal” part of the routine questions asked of the child’s day. How was your day? How was school? Do you like your teachers? Has anyone made you feel uncomfortable? Has anyone touched you in a place they shouldn’t? And educating your child on what is appropriate touching is essential to the conversation.

Obviously, depending on the age of the child, there are age-appropriate terms and verbiage. But the questions need to be asked, the conversations need to take place, and all of this needs to be done EARLY and OFTEN. If not, we leave our children susceptible to the ploys of predators. We now have plenty of books, pamphlets and resources on how to have these talks with children of all ages. So please take advantage of the information my mom didn’t have, of the resources I didn’t have available. Do this so you lessen the chances of your children enduring the torture, abuse, rape, and resulting decades of emotional, mental and physical struggles. Do this so your children don’t become another statistic like I did, another 1 in 6 boys or 1 in 3 girls.

We have the information now. And now children can trust they will be believed. It’s time to back up all this talk with action. It’s time to prevent childhood sexual abuse and catch these sexual predators/pedophiles before they do any more damage. But it begins at home, it must begin early, and don’t think for one second, “he would tell me”…

Copyright © 2014 Together We Heal, Inc.


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The Importance and How To Protect your Sons from Sexual Predators

Friday the 9th, 2014 I was honored to be on the radio with hosts, Tom and Bonnie Liotta. Bonnie and Tom are committed to a world wide humanitarian movement to heal, unite and empower families and communities by bestowing them with the tools necessary to strengthen our standards, ethics and values while raising the next generation. They founded and lead an organization called “Creating Champions For Life”.

We discussed the importance and tools needed to protect our children from sexual predators.

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/creatingchampionsforlife/2014/05/09/the-importance-and-the-how-to-protect-your-sons-from-sexual-predators


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First National “Everything for Dads” Convention 2014

I’m proud to announce Together We Heal is the sponsor for this amazing event in Sarasota, Florida on March 15th, 2014.

This is a one day event, a dynamic celebration of fatherhood. Hosted by NFL and TV Reality Star Hank Baskett, and Tampa Bay 10 News Anchor Reginald Roundtree. With VIP Special Guest NFL Star Plaxico Buress and more celebrity dads to be announced, plus other amazing speakers, experts; This collaborative event will celebrate, raise awareness, educate and inform fathers just like yourself about “real” dad parenting for the 21st Century!

Here’s your opportunity to hang out with inspiring and committed dads and experts who want dads from all walks of life to share and learn more about what truly unites us all – being the best father you can be.

I will be giving my presentation on “How To Talk with Your Kids about Childhood Sexual Abuse” and providing the accompanying Childhood Sexual Abuse forms to use to help better protect your kids from sexual predators. It’s an easy to follow, 7-step process that any dad/parent can follow to approach this delicate topic with your kids.

Make sure to get registered now so you don’t miss out on this opportunity to learn from some great dads and dedicated advocates and experts.

http://www.birthandbeyondmagazine.com/abouttheconvention/

Dave Pittman grab button Convention 2014 STYLE 2 corrected

Copyright © 2014 Together We Heal


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Helping Parents Educate Their Children about Childhood Sexual Abuse

Childhood Sexual Abuse (CSA); Three words no parent ever wants to hear in association with their children. While nowhere near as tragic as hearing its happened to a child of yours or anyone you know, the responsibility of talking with your children about CSA can seem almost as terrifying.

Next to providing counseling for survivors of CSA, one of our greatest endeavors at Together We Heal is helping parents educate their children on how to better protect themselves from sexual predators.

A few months ago I had the good fortune of becoming fellow advocates and friends with a gifted children’s book author named Holly-ann Martin. In addition to the brief bio about Holly-ann, I’m listing three books she wrote that I highly recommend for all parents. Her books address three key issues concerning CSA: Privacy – Protection – Prevention.

Holly-ann is the founder and Managing Director of Safe4Kids. Her experience spans twenty-five years with the Western Australian Department of Education and Training (DET), in a variety of school settings. Her unique approach to child protection education is underpinned by a whole community focus. This focus is centered around providing safer communities for children through engaging school staff, parents and care givers, local police, health workers, Department of Child Protection staff and early years childcare and education workers. Holly-ann’s emphasis centers on developing a language and culture of safety for children and adults alike, improving communication and highlighting and broadening the networks available to children when they are feeling unsafe. The sustained delivery of these programs is the key to creating a positive influence on both individual and community behavior.

It’s NEVER too early to begin educating your children. If you’re a parent, be sure to pick up a copy of each and if you’re not a parent, get copies and give them to your friends that are.

The Parent’s Helping Hand Book (an easy guide for teaching kids protective behaviors)
http://www.safeandhappykids.com.au/product/the-parents-helping-hand-book/

Matilda Learns A Valuable Lesson
http://www.safeandhappykids.com.au/product/matilda-learns-a-valuable-lesson-by-holly-ann-martin/

Hayden-Reece Learns A Valuable Lesson that Private means “Just For You”
http://www.safeandhappykids.com.au/product/hayden-reece-learns-a-valuable-lesson-that-private-means-just-for-you-by-holly-ann-martin/

One update….here are the links for those in the US who want to get the books.

Below are the Amazon links that are more affordable for people in the USA to purchase.

http://www.amazon.com/Matilda-learns-valuable-lesson-Holly-ann/dp/0980529433/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1386038996&sr=8-5&keywords=holly-ann+martin

http://www.amazon.com/Hayden-Reece-learns-valuable-lesson-Private/dp/0980529441/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1386040221&sr=8-3&keywords=holly-ann+martin

http://www.amazon.com/The-Parents-Helping-Hand-Book/dp/0980324092/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1386040270&sr=8-1&keywords=holly-ann+martin

Copyright © 2013 Together We Heal


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15 Things I Wish I’d Known About Grief

As the wonderful person who shared this with me perfectly stated, “If you don’t need it now, you will at some time in your life.”

I have never said this before on the website, but…this is a MUST READ.

Its beauty is in its simplicity and honesty. I wish I had been given this insightful advice many years ago as I dealt with grief and loss of all kinds. Thank you Teryn O’Brien for writing this amazing article. I believe Teryn’s words, when applied, can help you navigate through rough seas.

http://identityrenewed.com/2013/11/21/15-things-i-wish-id-known-about-grief/


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2013 Annual Mid-Atlantic Conference on Child Abuse & Neglect

Our partners at the Maryland Children’s Alliance are hosting the 2013 Annual Mid-Atlantic Conference on Child Abuse & Neglect – Please take a moment to read –

http://marylandchildrensalliance.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/midatlantic2013.pdf