Together We Heal

Together We Heal is for any who suffer from the trauma of Childhood Sexual Abuse. We are here to provide a safe forum for survivors of abuse to share, learn and heal, give direction to those seeking guidance and to expose sexual predators for what they are and their methods of getting into our lives.


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Why Can’t I Heal?

As someone who writes, occasionally I come across words that I’ve read and think to myself, “why didn’t I think of that?”

The following blog post is one such set of words. While doing the work we do, I have had the good fortune of meeting, working with, even being able to call many of our fellow advocates “friends”. Folks like Svava Brooks, who is not just a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, but has dedicated her life to helping fellow survivors.

So take a few minutes to read her words. Share them with someone you know who might have been impacted by a similar trauma. As we say around here all the time…together, we heal…

Why Can’t I Heal?

This is a question I asked myself for a long time. So many people could diagnose me. So many people could tell me what was wrong with me. But few could actually help me heal.

Why? Because my healing wasn’t the task of these other people. It was my job. I had to take all the information I had gathered about recovering from child abuse and trauma and move that knowledge from my head to my heart. In other words, I had to do the tough, messy work of applying it to my own life.

Today, I’m going to make this task easier for you. Here are the seven steps child abuse and trauma survivors need to take in order to heal. Apply them every day.

  1. Establish Safety. Figure out what makes you feel safe.  This is your first priority.
  2. Develop Courage. Eventually, your willingness to heal will develop into courage, as you take more and more healthy risks.
  3. Create a Mindfulness Practice. Connecting with your body is essential for healing.  As abused children, we learned the toxic skill of disconnection.  Mindfulness will help you reconnect.
  4. Express Your Emotions. Learn how to identify, listen to, feel, and express your emotions in a healthy way.  All of them: the good, the bad, and the ugly!
  5. Change Your Negative Beliefs. You created these toxic beliefs as a way to survive an abusive childhood.  But you’re an adult now.  Change your story (beliefs) to what benefits your adult life.
  6. Practice Self-Care, Self-Love, and Self-Compassion. Put yourself first on your To-Do list.  Every day find a way to lovingly care for and celebrate yourself.
  7. Build a Support System. You can’t do this alone.  Healing doesn’t work that way.  Surround yourself with nourishing friends who support your healing goals.

Just the act of implementing these seven steps is a major move forward on your healing journey. Stick with it, and you’ll experience a positive shift sooner than you think. Why? Because these steps are more than a decision. They’re a lifestyle change.

And that’s how you heal. Finally!

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Svava isn’t saying that healing is easy. But if you take to heart what she’s shared, I promise the path to healing will become illuminated. And as she mentions in her original article, if you’re still having difficulty healing, reach out and find someone trained in trauma to help you. You can find Svava’s contact info here. Other survivors like Rachel Grant can help also. But no matter where you go, go forward and gain the help available to you.

Below you’ll find the link to the original publication of this article as well as some bio information on Svava. Thank you Svava for sharing these straightforward tips for your fellow survivors and for being a friend in this work we do.

http://www.educate4change.com/blog1/why-cant-i-heal

Svava Brooks is a survivor of child sexual abuse and the co-founder of a nationwide child sexual abuse prevention and education organization in Iceland called “Blátt áfram.”  She is also a certified instructor and facilitator for Darkness to Light Stewards of Children, as well as a certified Crisis Intervention Specialist, a certified Positive Discipline Parent Educator, a BellaNet Teen support group facilitator, a Certified TRE® Provider, and an Abuse Survivor Coach.

The mother of three children, Svava has dedicated her life to ending the cycle of child sexual abuse through education, awareness, and by helping survivors heal and thrive.  She is a certified facilitator for Advance!, a program created by Connections to restore authentic identity.  Every week she writes about healing after trauma on her blog, and also leads a discussion forum on Child Sexual Abuse Healing and Recovery online.


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Feeling the Weight of the World…Alone

This month we partnered with Rachel Grant to do a 2-part blog series and a tele-seminar, all for male survivors. The seminar can be heard here – 

Below is part 1 of our combined blog series

 

Feeling the Weight of the World…Alone

Over the last 3 years I have had the good fortune of working with an amazing advocate for survivors of childhood sexual abuse, and someone who has become more than just a colleague, but also a valued friend: Ms. Rachel Grant. So when she asked if I would write two articles and do a tele-seminar together, as we have in the past, it was my honor to say “yes”.

As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, it has been an arduous path of pain and healing. For over 35 years it has felt as though there have been many more “downs” than “ups”.

While I could spend an entire article just listing the challenges associated with the trauma of childhood sexual abuse; for me there were two major issues that caused the most tribulation and confusion.

The first was feeling as if I were completely alone. I thought for so long I was the only person this crime was perpetrated against and therefore it was on me alone to “deal with it”.

The second was the confusion a young boy feels when sexually abused by a man.

Today we’ll start with the first…

…feeling totally alone. 

Although feeling alone is not unique to male survivors, it is only from this perspective that I can speak. So I promise to talk openly and honestly about my own journey.

But before I begin discussing the challenges associated with abuse I want to first let all know who are reading this, that there is light at the end of the tunnel…and it’s not an oncoming train. 

Hope and joy can be attained. It won’t always be easy, but if you work with the right folks, and believe that those who have gone before you mean what they say, healing awaits.

So let’s talk about that most awful of feelings, being alone. And I don’t mean loneliness. While in and of itself, loneliness can feel horrible, it’s not quite the same as “feeling alone”. It incorporates so much more. It’s a feeling of betrayal and dismissal. It’s as if the whole world is moving along, happy and well. And you have been left behind, utterly abandoned. 

Additionally, you feel isolated and different from everyone else around you. You see others around you leading “regular”, happy lives but you feel different and separate from everyone due to the abuse.

As I wrote once before about this topic, “Feeling Alone, it’s a familiar feeling. It’s altogether too familiar. As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, I struggled for decades with it. I had it twisted around me like a straight-jacket of discomfort. The result was a never-ending quest for love and acceptance in all the wrong places with none of the right people.”

Here at “Together We Heal”, we work to provide support groups and counseling to fellow survivors. And whenever we get a call or email, or are contacted in any way, the VERY FIRST thing we say is…you are NOT alone. We are here for you, with you and will be as long as you will allow us. The reason for this is because of what I mentioned earlier, my own feelings of being alone. Once I finally came forward, I learned a couple of important factors. 

The first thing I learned was that I wasn’t the only little boy to be sexually abused by the same man. This person was my minister, and was therefore trusted by myself, my family and all who knew him. In 1981 when the abuse began, there were no talk shows about it, no news stories reporting it, no support groups that I could open up to. Hell, I didn’t even know what to call what was happening to me because I had never heard the words “childhood sexual abuse”. 

And the second was that others, both men and women, told me they had the same feelings. Once I was told the truth about childhood sexual abuse; that I wasn’t alone, it was then I felt as though a weight the size of the world on Atlas’ shoulders was finally lifted from my own.

And that was the turning point for my own healing. Once I learned I didn’t have to carry this burden alone, and that others would help me, it was then I finally understood the meaning of the word “hope”.

More than anything it is my “hope” that everyone who reads these posts or listens to when Rachel and I talk on her show, is that you can KNOW that hope and healing are a reality, and if she and I can have and live it, you can too! 

Please…reach out, tell someone…we will be here for you.

Next week we’ll discuss a topic that so many male survivors struggle with but don’t feel the ability or freedom to talk about, the sexual confusion caused when abused by a man.

http://rachelgrantcoaching.blogspot.com/2015/08/feeling-weight-of-worldalone.html


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3 Stages of Recovery from Childhood Sexual Abuse

My wife Linda and I had the privilege of talking with Rachel Grant, author and Beyond Surviving extraordinaire! In this episode Rachel explains the “3 Stages of Recovery from Childhood Sexual Abuse”. This is a can’t miss show! Please set aside some time to listen, learn and gain insight on how to truly begin to heal!

Thank you Rachel for all you do to help survivors and for being a tireless advocate and friend!

And please go to Rachel’s site – http://rachelgrantcoaching.com – for helpful information on how she can help you move further along in the healing process!

Copyright © 2014 Together We Heal, Inc.


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“Dare To Be Authentic”

“Dare to be Authentic” – Radio Guest appearance

We were honored to be the guest on the radio show, “Dare To Be Authentic”, founded by author and Life Coach, Mari Mitchell-Porter.

This episode is one full of hope and encouragement for those who have suffered the devastation of childhood sexual abuse and has valuable information for parents to keep children safer from sexual predators.

Please take a few minutes to listen and then check out her site below:

http://tinyurl.com/ltn88qn

http://lifecoachmari.com

Copyright © 2014 Together We Heal, Inc.


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The Abused Addict: CSA info too important to miss!

Radio Show Recording with David Pittman and Rachel Grant – January 29th, 2014

The Abused Addict: One Man’s Journey of Recovery from Sexual Abuse

Discovering the Correlation Between Childhood Sexual Abuse and Substance Abuse/Addiction

We cover not only abuse and addiction, but also issues with sexuality, access to counseling, sexual predators grooming kids for abuse, churches that protect sexual predators, creating support groups in your local areas and so much more! Please set aside some time to listen to what I genuinely believe is valuable information for both survivors of childhood sexual abuse and those that love them.

Copyright © 2014 Together We Heal, Inc.


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The Abused Addict: One Man’s Journey of Recovery from Sexual Abuse

The Abused Addict: One Man’s Journey of Recovery from Sexual Abuse

Discovering the Correlation Between Childhood Sexual Abuse and Substance Abuse/Addiction

Join us for this free 90 minute teleseminar
January 29, 6p PT / 9p ET

Do you struggle with coming to terms with the pain of childhood sexual abuse and facing the demon of addiction at the same time?

Do you ask yourself, “Why me? Why did this happen to me? What have I done to deserve this? I was just a kid, why did you do this to me?”

If so, I hope you will join me for this teleseminar with David Pittman, Executive Director of Together We Heal and beyond survivor of sexual abuse and addiction.

During this free 90 minute teleseminar, David will share several positive tools that are necessary for a healthy recovery from both childhood sexual abuse and substance abuse/addiction.

You will learn:

What are some of the greatest challenges faced by survivors of childhood sexual abuse.
What exactly is an “Abused Addict”?
How do you look to the past to give yourself a future?
Who or what is “Together We Heal” and how might they help me?

As a special bonus, David will leave time at the end of his talk to answer your questions, so be sure to join the call live. If you are not able to join us live, go ahead and register and you will receive the recording.

This call is perfect for you if: You are a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and have struggled with substance abuse/addiction or you want to move forward in your recovery but feel stuck at times and don’t know why.

It is David’s hope and desire for you to be able to come to terms with this simultaneous struggle with childhood sexual abuse and substance abuse. To realize that you CAN overcome the powerlessness you felt having been victimized as a child and give up the thought that you can control your substance abuse. You can make radical and amazing changes as you take back your life and realize your ability to make powerful choices about who you are and how you live.

I hope you will join David and I for this free event January 29th, 6p PT / 9p ET.

See you there,

Rachel

Please sign me up for the free teleclass
The Abused Addict

http://rachelgrantcoaching.com/theabusedaddict/


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3 Steps to Let Go of the Pain of Sexual Abuse – Radio Show Recording

On Wednesday, December 18th 2013, it was my honor to have facilitated a tele-seminar with my friend, colleague and fellow advocate, Rachel Grant.

In addition to the topics covered below, there was also a Q&A session that had some extremely challenging issues Rachel and I addressed with the callers that I know you will find insightful and helpful.

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Do you feel worthless, undeserving, unfixable, or unlovable? Are you ready to let go of the pain of sexual abuse?

If you are beyond sick and tired of feeling broken and burdened by the past, this tele-seminar is for you. You will be taught the three steps you need to take in order to let go of the pain of childhood sexual abuse. Rachel will also share with you her secret to becoming a ‘beyond survivor’.

You will learn:

• Why sexual abuse is akin to an unhealed wound and the steps required to healing that wound.
• How your brain processes experiences and how this affects your thinking, feelings, and behavior.
• To challenge the false beliefs that keep you disconnected from your genuine self.
• To develop new ways of thinking in order to shift your focus, listen to yourself, and to use affirmations that really work.
• 3 steps, rooted in science, which will lead you out of the pain of abuse.

This show is perfect for you if:

You are a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and are frustrated because it seems nothing you do is helping.

You desire to reconnect to your genuine self in order to move on with your life and be the person you were meant to be.

It is my hope and desire for you to be able to make radical and amazing changes as you take back your life and realize your ability to make powerful choices about who you are and how you live.
Please don’t miss the opportunity to listen and gain this invaluable information. As I mentioned, Rachel is not only a colleague, she is also my friend. I know how much she has helped me and I know she can help you too.

Here is the link to the show: http://rachelgrantcoaching.com/media/3-steps.mp3

If you want to learn more about Rachel and how she might help you move froward in recovering from CSA, please check out her website: http://www.rachelgrantcoaching.com/brokentobeyond