Together We Heal

Together We Heal is for any who suffer from the trauma of Childhood Sexual Abuse. We are here to provide a safe forum for survivors of abuse to share, learn and heal, give direction to those seeking guidance and to expose sexual predators for what they are and their methods of getting into our lives.


Why do some Male Survivors have to be “Hyper-Male”?

The following is an interview I recently did with fellow male survivor, Brian Cardoza. When I asked Brian to begin telling me his story, he said something that rang true to me, and I believe those of you who’ve been through a similar trauma will appreciate it…he said,

“It’s not the easiest thing to do, to intentionally recall the trauma of 20-30 plus years ago.”

Brian went on to say the abuse started after his father left the family. When he got home with his mom he went to his dad’s room (the parents were separated at the time and sleeping in separate rooms) He recalled the absence of his father in this way.

“There was not even the memory of a cigarette.”

His mom told him, “The reason he left is because you couldn’t make him love this family.”

This was the beginning of the abuse.

The emotional abuse progressed into physical abuse. And when he thought it couldn’t get any worse, he began being sexually abused. His brother’s best friend raped him. It occurred not just with the brother’s permission, but with his encouragement and instruction. It started at the fragile age of 6 and continued until around age 9.

The physical abuse only ended at 12 because that’s when Brian’s growth spurt began. As Brian told me, it only stopped because I became “too big” for them to “hurt” me.

And then, on December 14, 1989, he was thrown out of the house. This was in Anchorage Alaska. And on that first night, he almost froze to death. So, began struggles of other kinds.


D.P.  What challenges do you feel are unique to male survivors of sexual abuse?

B.C.  I think there are very few things that are unique to male survivors. Trauma is human-centric, not gender specific. I have never met a woman who didn’t experience the first 10-12 things that I have, guilt, denial, anger, etc.

What I do think is inherently unique, or maybe the biggest difference between male and female victims of sexual abuse is it causes a man to question himself about a fundamental issue.  A person’s sexuality is core to who they are, and when a boy is sexually abused by a man, it almost always causes him to ask the question, “Am I gay?”

I have talked to many male survivors, and I’ve never met one who didn’t ask the question, “does this make me gay”. And this questioning of sexuality causes so many struggles.

They may have never had any proclivities to men prior to the abuse. They may have never had any inkling about homosexuality. But after the abuse occurs, that’s the first question they begin to ask themselves.

Especially with certain societal norms, if the abuse was perpetrated by man, it can make a guy ask himself, “Can you still call yourself a man?”


D.P.  Based on that last statement let me ask you a follow-up to that; What challenges have you faced with masculinity?

B.C.  I’ve said this ad nauseam; if a friend of mine drank 10 beers, I had to drink 20. If a friend of mine had a 1-night stand, I had to have 12.

I had to be “Hyper-Male”. I had to be THE Man.

I know now, through therapy and introspection, that attitude came from being thrown on that bean bag. (this is a reference to being raped by his brother’s friend) Now I realize that to prove my manhood is idiotic. I was born a man, I am a man and that’s just the way it is. I don’t need to “prove” anything.

That’s part of why it is hard for men to come forward. To admit that a man raped you makes them feel somehow less than a man.

From the time I was in preschool on, my mom would read to us stories like Tarzan and Conan, iterating to us that real men took what they wanted. Real men didn’t get hurt emotionally. Real men wouldn’t allow these kinds of things to happen.

And when they DID happen, I had nowhere to go.

Because my abuse started so early, I didn’t realize I was being abused. To me, it was just Tuesday.


D.P.  What has helped you the most in the process of your healing?

B.C.  Ironically is was an argument I got into with a girlfriend. It came at a point in my life when I thought I was at my best. I believed I was in a perfect relationship. I was in the best shape of my life. Everything was just as I thought I wanted it. And then, one day, she picks a fight with me.

What I actually was; emotionally numb and passionless. She screams at me, “you have no passion, you have nothing you give.” And with no emotion I replied, “yep”.

That language stuck with me and I started on a 2-day bender. So, I started asking myself. Why am I in love with the things that have made me numb? Why can’t I connect with this beautiful woman?

I finally acknowledged to myself, this may have started because I was raped.

So, I called the Boston area rape crisis center and thankfully they made me an appointment to start therapy. My catalyst for doing this was being introspective enough to look at what my girlfriend was saying to me and realizing there was a direct correlation to what happened in my childhood. When I began therapy, a lot of the extraneous stuff started to go away.

It also taught me you can never find the solution to a problem when you are in the middle of it.


D.P.  If there was one thing you could say to a young boy who is currently being abused, or an adult who hasn’t told anyone yet?

B.C.  When I am open, up-front and compassionate with what happened to me, all I really do is “shut-up”. What I mean by that is, times where I have spoken with someone, when someone is about to reveal something to me, the feel of the room changes, their demeanor changes, and then I “shut-up” (be quiet) and let them decide what they want to do. I have found that to be the most successful. The first thing I do when someone reveals their abuse, is I thank them. I thank them profusely and profoundly. Because they need to know what they have just done is the very first step in their own healing.

So, when it comes to someone coming forward, be quiet and allow a survivor to tell whatever it is they need to say. Listen to understand, not just waiting to reply.


D.P.  You’ve written a book. Why did you decide to write it and what did you hope to accomplish?

B.C.  To give solace to myself. I read the story of another survivor and thought, I didn’t have it “as bad” as they did. I figured if I think this way, then there’s a kid out there who might hear mine and be able to say to themselves, I can get through what I’m going through too.

I know most of us are guilty of comparing and we shouldn’t do it to ourselves, but we do.

Ultimately, I needed to put it to bed myself. I needed to get it out. That’s why I paint and have other artistic outlets, they allow me to express how I’m feeling rather than mull over in my head.


D.P.  Is there anything we haven’t covered you would like to share?

B.C.  1 Major and 1 Minor:

Major – The minute you come out and admit that you were sexually abused, make sure you find a trauma trained therapist. I also tell everyone this, there are times that this is going to suck. There will be days when you don’t want to get out of bed. There will be days when you want to drink it away again. But what I know, is if you get out of bed, if you put the bottle down, all of it will be worth it.

Minor – There are people out there who have decided their privacy is not as important as helping other survivors. If those of who have given away our privacy can help them, then we have done what we set out to do.


Thank you, Brian, for your honest and frank discussion on this important topic. Below you will find links to Brian’s work and advocacy.


Facebook Group

Survivor Knights Philadelphia Art Show and Performance

(Art showing University of Pennsylvania, May 25th at the Rotunda)

The Bristlecone Project

The Unexpected Victim


4 Ways the Pain of Childhood Trauma Impacts Us as Adults

As a fellow survivor, one of the things I always try to pass along are insights I have learned that have helped me personally. I feel as though this is how we can best help one another. Fortunately, I have had the benefit of some amazing therapists, learned from others trained specifically in trauma, and made sure to pay attention to other survivors who really knew what I had been through. The following article is another one of these from Dr. Andrea Brandt. I hope her words help you or someone you love. Please read and share!



Whether you witnessed or experienced violence as a child or your caretakers emotionally or physically neglected you, when you grow up in a traumatizing environment you are likely to still show signs of that trauma as an adult.

Children make meaning out of the events they witness and the things that happen to them, and they create an internal map of how the world is. This meaning-making helps them cope. But if children don’t create a new internal map as they grow up, their old way of interpreting the world can damage their ability to function as adults.

While there are many aftereffects of childhood emotional trauma, here we’ll look specifically at four ways childhood emotional trauma impacts us as adults.

  1. The False Self

As a childhood emotional trauma therapist, I see many patients who carry childhood emotional wounds with them into adulthood. One way these wounds reveal themselves is through the creation of a false self.

As children, we want our parents to love us and take care of us. When our parents don’t do this, we try to become the kind of child we think they’ll love. Burying feelings that might get in the way of us getting our needs met, we create a false self—the person we present to the world.

When we bury our emotions, we lose touch with who we really are, because our feelings are an integral part of us. We live our lives terrified that if we let the mask drop, we’ll no longer be cared for, loved, or accepted.

The best way to uncover the authentic you underneath the false self is by talking to a therapist who specializes in childhood emotional trauma and can help you reconnect with your feelings and express your emotions in a way that makes you feel both safe and whole.

  1. Victimhood Thinking

What we think and believe about ourselves drives our self-talk. The way we talk to ourselves can empower or disempower us. Negative self-talk disempowers us and makes us feel like we have no control over our lives — like victims. We may have been victimized as children, but we don’t have to remain victims as adults.

Even in circumstances where we think we don’t have a choice, we always have a choice, even if it’s just the power to choose how we think about our life. We have little to no control over our environments and our lives when we’re children, but we’re not children anymore. It’s likely we are more capable of changing our situation than we believe.

Instead of thinking of ourselves as victims, we can think of ourselves as survivors. The next time you feel trapped and choice-less, remind yourself that you’re more capable and in control than you think.

  1. Passive-Aggressiveness

When children grow up in households where there are only unhealthy expressions of anger, they grow up believing that anger is unacceptable. If you witnessed anger expressed violently, then as an adult you might think that anger is a violent emotion and therefore must be suppressed. Or, if you grew up in a family that suppressed anger and your parents taught you that anger is on a list of emotions you aren’t supposed to feel, you suppress it, even as an adult who could benefit from anger.

What happens if you can’t express your anger? If you’re someone who suppresses your upset feelings, you likely already know the answer: Nothing. You still feel angry—after all, anger is a natural, healthy emotion we all experience—but instead of the resolution that comes with acknowledging your anger and resolving what triggered it, you just stay angry. You don’t express your feelings straightforwardly, but since you can’t truly suppress anger, you express your feelings through passive-aggressiveness.

  1. Passivity

If you were neglected as a child, or abandoned by your caretakers, you may have buried your anger and fear in the hope that it would mean no one will ever abandon or neglect you again. What happens when children do this, though, is that we end up abandoning ourselves. We hold ourselves back when we don’t feel our feelings. We end up passive, and we don’t live up to our potential. The passive person says to him or herself, “I know what I need to do but I don’t do it.”

When we bury our feelings, we bury who we are. Because of childhood emotional trauma, we may have learned to hide parts of ourselves. At the time, that may have helped us. But as adults, we need our feelings to tell us who we are and what we want, and to guide us toward becoming the people we want to be.


Originally Posted on Psychology Today

Andrea Brandt, Ph.D., is a marriage and family therapist located in Santa Monica California. Andrea brings over 35 years of clinical experience to the role of individual family therapist, couples counseling, group therapy and anger management classes.  


Liberty University Has Sold Its Soul for Football

Monday, November 28th 2016. That date will go down in Baptist history as the beginning of the end. Not of the end of baptists; but something more tragic, and much more sinister. It’s the end of women being safe on Liberty University’s campus.

It was on Monday that Liberty University gave the middle finger to all victims of sexual abuse and sexual assault and told “whoever has ears to hear” that THEY DON’T CARE ABOUT THE SAFETY OF WOMEN ON CAMPUS.

On Monday, Liberty University and Jerry Falwell, Jr., joyfully welcomed Ian McCaw as its new Athletic Director.

Falwell, Jr. said of McCaw, “He’s a Godly man of excellent character and I could not be more excited about this announcement!”

Just in case you don’t know Mr. McCaw, let me catch you up to speed.

He was up until recently the Athletic Director for Baylor University. Yes, the Baylor that bears the same Baptist support as Liberty. And yes, it’s the same Baylor who fired its President, Ken Starr; Head Football Coach, Art Briles, and depending on which media outlet you believe, the aforementioned Athletic Director, Ian McCaw.

So why did this “Godly man of excellent character” leave Baylor?


Here are the football totals.

While McCaw was AD, Baylor football went from averaging 3 wins a season, to 9 wins a year. This is what Liberty wants everyone to focus.

But these are the human totals of a McCaw administration.

Reporter Jake New of Inside Higher Ed reported on Tuesday:

“McCaw resigned as athletics director at Baylor in May. His resignation came days after Baylor’s Board of Regents fired the university’s head football coach and forced out its president following allegations that the world’s largest Baptist university mishandled — and sought to suppress public discourse about — reports of sexual assaults committed by its football players and other students.

Baylor officials said earlier this month that, in total, 17 women reported 19 sexual or physical assaults involving football players since 2011, and that four of the reports involved gang rapes.”

Tragically it gets worse…

New’s report went on to say, and folks this is the crux of the issue…

“Baylor said McCaw was told about at least one of those gang rapes, which involved five football players, but he did not report the allegations to the university’s judicial affairs office or anyone else outside the athletic department, as required by federal law.”

So now you know the truth about Ian McCaw. Well, at least as much as we know for now. Pending litigation and the unknown number of silenced victims will probably prevent us from ever knowing the TRUE number of victims. But this is how they operate.

This is the organizational strategy of the Baptist Convention, its Churches and now we can see, it’s Colleges and Universities. They manipulate, they silence and they cover-up anything having to do with sexual abuse and sexual assaults within its walls or by those in power.

I know this to be true because they tried to silence my voice also.

Mark my words, starting on Monday, you will begin to see an increase of sexual abuses and assaults and the ensuing organizational coverup of them that Baptist have become so adept. Or so they believe. Lives will be ruined if not worse. And certainly souls will be tarnished, if not lost.

Monday, November 28th 2016. The day where mothers and fathers can no longer send a daughter to Liberty University with the belief she will be safe.

Welcome to the pursuit of FBS football Liberty. How pathetic that you traded your soul for it.

As a dear friend said to me recently…

“Sadly, None of this resembles Jesus.”



Copyright © 2016 Together We Heal

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Does a Sexual Predator Have the Keys to Your Front Door…

…and do you even know?

What if I told you that the people who own the property where you live knowingly hired a convicted sexual predator and they don’t have to tell you?

What if I told you a convicted sex offender has the keys to your front door and you were powerless to know or stop them from having access?

Unbelievably, I may have just described your home if you rent in Florida, and many other homes across the USA.

Even though in Florida, as in most states, sex offenders are prohibited from living within a certain distance from schools, playgrounds and other places where children gather; what they CAN do, is work where your children play and live, without your knowledge. And that’s not the worst of it.

Under Florida law, owners of rental apartments and homes are NOT required to warn you or your family that an employee at the property is a pedophile or sex offender. Children in Florida have been raped by sex offenders who were literally provided the keys to rental units, where the owner knew that the employee was a convicted sex offender. You and your family have the right to make an informed choice of whether to live in housing that employs convicted
sex offenders.

It is because of the irrational and dangerous law as written, that Linda and I ask for your support of “The Florida Sex Offender Rental Notification Act.”

Below you will find a link. Help us to set Florida Law requiring tenants be notified when property owners employ sex offenders.

I would further expound if I felt necessary, but this is pretty darn self-explanatory to myself and Linda. We hope you feel the same.

No matter where you live, PLEASE SIGN and pass along to EVERYONE you know! Then find out what the law says where you live.

Copyright © 2016 Together We Heal, Inc.


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Why Do We Only Put Up Traffic Lights After a Tragedy

Impotent Georgia Act Protects Sexual Predators, Baptist & Catholic Churches and the Insurance companies that underwrite their policies.

Usually when my wife and I travel to Atlanta it’s for visiting friends and family. Atlanta is where we grew up, were high-school sweethearts and eventually where we wed. (Even if it did take me over 25 years to muster the courage to ask her to marry me!)

But this week my wife and I will be in Atlanta with an additional purpose. Actually it will be a two-fold mission.

As with almost every Together We Heal event/conference/etc., we will be teaching parents, guardians, and adults of various leadership and authority positions over children, on how to talk with kids about childhood sexual abuse and better identify the grooming methods of sexual predators.

In addition to this, we’re going to have the opportunity to lobby local representatives and their constituents about making a change that would have permanent, positive benefits for all of the children of our home state. We want to help them see how imperative it is that they pass a law eliminating the statute of limitations on all sex crimes against children.

I know, sounds like a no-brainer, right? Tragically, you’d be wrong. When myself and my wife were sexually abused as children, not one single state had such a law on the books. And it’s only been in last few years that states started passing said laws. Sadly, the pressure from “higher powers” had a greater hold on state assemblies than did the courage to do the right thing.

Based on Together We Heal’s non-profit designation, Federal law limits the amount of time we are able to spend lobbying for laws to protect children and assist victims in attaining any measure of justice. Therefore, we quite literally must make the MOST of every second of time we put forth on this type of effort.

So this week, we will be making one such effort at a DeKalb Women’s Meeting with 2 legislators in attendance. It’s our hope, that since we will be speaking to people who live where our abuse occurred, it will resonate with them on a more personal level.

That being said, here is the reason why Georgia needs to eliminate statute of limitation laws regarding sex crimes against children. And by the way, my personal example is just one in millions that have happened. I’m telling you my story so you can know that this happens all too often.

When I FINALLY gathered enough strength to come forward, name the man who sexually abused me as a child; I did what I was told to do, I went to the police because everyone said that’s what you do and certainly they would help me.

I went to DeKalb County Police Headquarters, the original one on Memorial Drive, and spoke with a detective in the Major Felony division (now called Special Victims Unit). After over 2 hours of excruciatingly painful memories being drawn out, vile detail by vile detail, it finally came to an end.

And that’s when she asked me the question she should’ve started off by asking, ”when did this crime take place?”

I told her from 1981-1984. That’s when she said the words that ripped my heart and stomach COMPLETELY out of my body and threw them in the sewer.

Her reply, “Sorry, but we can’t help you. You waited too long to report this crime.”

WHAT!? I WAITED TOO LONG?! How could I have done anything WRONG here?!?!

She said, “it’s not that you did anything wrong, you just didn’t know. There’s a law called statute of limitations. And in Georgia, since you didn’t come forward by the age of 18, the time limit is up and he can no longer be criminally prosecuted for the offense. No matter what he did to you. No matter how many times or for how many years. You’re just too late.”

Tragically the police, even when they genuinely want to help, have no way of doing so because of the laws OUR legislators keep on the books.

Ask yourself this simple question and let logic dictate the answer.


Why would OUR representatives allow such laws to protect the perpetrator and further victimize the abused???

Recently a piece of legislation was passed in Georgia called the Hidden Predator Act (HPA). It was spoken of as some amazing Act, enabling any and all previous victims to come forward and get the justice they were for so long denied.

Turns out it was smoke and mirrors to make one Georgia representative appear good, but the bill is toothless and practically worthless. Although literally a couple of survivors have been able to utilize this bill, in a state of over 10 million, the VAST MAJORITY of Georgia victims will receive no such justice. Meanwhile, their perpetrators, and the ones protecting them, will remain happy all the live long day.

Why? Because the Southern Baptist Convention, Georgia Baptist Convention, Georgia Chamber of Commerce, the Roman Catholic Church and the Georgia Lobby for Insurance made it so. They “persuaded” YOUR representatives to remove all language that would give victims the ability to go after the churches, institutions, schools or companies that had any role in enabling, hiding or protecting the predators. By doing this it eliminated the possibility for almost any survivor to get representation. And with no attorney, no justice. Just all of the predators free and clear, to continue abusing, molesting, raping children and murdering their innocence and souls.

Most victims don’t have the strength to come forward, if they ever do, until their 30’s or 40’s, and by then it’s “too late” with the existing laws.

Sexual predators, Baptist & Catholic leaders, the Chamber and Insurance companies know this statistic, so their bean counters and leaders “convinced” legislators to orchestrate the law to read as it does. With the current language, it protects THEIR INTEREST.

And what, might you ask is their interest.


If these leaders actually cared about their constituents, parishioners, etc., this would not be the case. So to these “so-called” groups of faith and elected officials I say this…

“For nothing is hidden that will not become evident, nor anything secret that will not be known and come to light.”

If we work together to do what’s right, protect potential future victims and enable justice for past ones, then we must pass a LAW, not a temporary bill like the one that expires in a little over a year, that does what should’ve been done already.

That’s right, the current HPA expires July 1st 2017, and at that time Georgia goes back to being one of the WORST states in the union for protecting child victims of sexual abuse.

So pass a law that ELIMINATES the statute of limitations on ALL sex crimes against children. And include language that allows for another 2-year window, only this time enable the revival against organizations & institutions and cap the claims at victims aged 53 (18 + 35). Georgia’s current bill allows victims to pursue litigation against the perpetrator only, not the people or organizations that covered it up or assisted them in any way. This is the only way to truly begin to stop this epidemic of abuse, to punish their enablers. If these predators had no protection, they most likely would’ve been caught.

Some very smart folks, who could explain the math about capping the age at 53 much better than I, have set that age for the reasons of how long it takes for most victims to be able to come forward and the age at which the perpetrators would be at that time. This gives the best chance for as many victims as possible to get the Justice that’s been denied them.

And maybe just as important, to expose the predators so that they can’t harm another child. Litigation shines the light and truth on them and that’s what they fear the most. And contrary to what certain church leaders and media members would have you believe, Pedophiles do not “age out” of abusing children.  Fr. John Geoghan in Boston was abusing children in his 80s. The only 2 things that stop them are incarceration and death.

And to the people who inaccurately claim that enabling this 2-year window would inundate the court system with copious amounts of claims. I refer you to Marci A. Hamilton’s website for the facts – If you look at the “Relative Success” document and especially at the chart at the bottom,

you can see (1) the civil revival windows that have been opened against individuals AND institutions have not resulted in an avalanche of claims; (2) there are no false claims that have made it through the system; and (3) Georgia’s window has been relatively ineffective so far because it is only capable of being brought against individual perpetrators and aiders and abettors.

Want to know how many victims in Georgia have been able to file litigation against their abusers?


That’s 9 in a state of 10 million with AT LEAST 2 million victims. So far the Baptist & Catholic churches, Georgia Chamber of Commerce and Georgia Insurance lobby is winning. And Georgians are losing.

Going back to the question I had you ask yourself, what is the logic in these representative not already passing a law like this. What do THEY have to hide or be afraid of? If nothing, then it should pass unanimously, if not, then please give SERIOUS consideration to replacing your current legislator. Unfortunately, that’s the only language most lawmakers understand. Only when told they won’t be reelected will they actually listen to THEIR constituents.

I wish I could expose my abuser through the courts, but it’s too late for me. And because of this, he has gone on to molest, abuse and rape AT LEAST 7 others. Those are just the ones I know of. God and Frankie Wiley are the only 2 who know how many little boys’ childhood’s he’s murdered.

It’s too late for me, but there are approximately 2 million of your fellow Georgians who need your help. The only way this will happen is if YOU, make a stand, demand your representative pass this law or you vote in someone who will. It’s up to you. What will you do? Please don’t wait until it’s happened to one of your children or grandchildren. I beg of you.

Because I promise you, if you don’t, it WILL happen. The facts are the facts. 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys WILL BE sexually abused by the age of 18. The only way this changes is with the ability to prosecute predators. The only way that happens is for the laws to be changed. And the only way that happens is when it matters to you. Will it be before or after it happens to someone you know; someone you love.

Don’t let this be another example of putting up a traffic light AFTER a tragedy has happened. You have the ability to do something now. Will you?



Copyright © 2016 Together We Heal, Inc.



This week I received a phone call from a grandmother in turmoil. It was evident in her voice just how scared and desperate she was for help.

 Her dilemma was the same I’ve heard, tragically, too many times before. She said, “my son-in-law is sexually abusing my grandchildren but I have no proof, I just KNOW it.”

So I continued the conversation with her as I had done so many times before, by asking questions.


I asked, “Have you seen him touch them inappropriately? Have the children told you anything to alert you? Have you spoken to your daughter, their mother? Have you filed a police report?” And on and on we went.

And again, her responses were like ones I’ve heard countless times. “Yes, I’ve seen him touch one child in a way I knew was wrong and he smiled at me while he did it, knowing there was no way I could say anything. He was a cop so he knows people. They’ve stopped letting me see the kids. My daughter doesn’t believe me.”

As we went further, she said the following statement that made me want to cry. She said, “I’m scared that if I do something about this, if I go to the police, who I don’t think will help anyway, that I will lose the relationship with my daughter. I want to have a relationship with her. What do I do??”


So I paused…and I answered her question with a question. I asked her what I’ve asked of parents and guardians, churches and parishes, person after person…


What is your priority?


What is more important to you; the safety of a child, or a “relationship” with your child built on denial and the potential enabling of a sexual predator?


Because it’s more likely than not that one day you will have to choose…what is more important to you, what is more sacred to you. If what you believe in your heart of hearts is true, then you can’t have both if your child chooses to stay with and protect the one harming your grandchildren.


And let’s say, worst case scenario, you’re wrong. Then what? Will a child who truly loves you hold it against you forever that you were trying to protect their
child? I don’t believe so. And if so, then the relationship has many more
issues than this one.


Now, if you just don’t like your son-in-law and this is some sick, perverted way to drive a wedge, then you will be held accountable for that one day. But if not, if your intentions are pure, as are your concerns, then you really only have one choice.


Those babies have NO VOICE, NO DEFENSE, NO ONE TO PROTECT THEM. And you MUST be THEIR defender, THEIR voice. If not you, then who???


It’s what we all must ask ourselves…IF NOT US, THEN WHO?!?


God how I wish someone who had concerns back in 81 or 82 or 84 or 85 or 91 or 92 or, or, OR (and there were PLENTY of them) would’ve had the courage to stand up and say, what the hell is this man doing with these little boys at his house overnight?!?!


So that leaves us with these decisions…decisions…


…what will you do?



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“It’s Easier to build strong children than to repair broken men”

One of my favorite quotes is by Frederick Douglass who said,

“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.”

Please keep these two things in mind when you begin to think, “it’s just too hard to talk with my kids about sexual abuse”.

Here in the USA, 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 6 boys will be victims of childhood sexual abuse before they turn 18…don’t let your child be another statistic, don’t let them become another David, or Linda, or or or…

They need your strength and guidance…you CAN talk with them and they will be grateful you did!!


If you’re finding it challenging to talk with your kids, please read this post for some guidance:

How To Talk With Your Kids about Sexual Abuse

You are NOT your abuse.

You are NOT what they did to you.

You are NOT your trauma.

You ARE the cleverness that survived.

You ARE the courage that escaped.

You ARE the power that hid & protected a tiny spark of your light.

You will fan that spark into a bonfire of righteous rage and love,

and with it you will burn all their lies to ash!

Do you feel the heat yet Frankie Wiley???

Copyright © 2015 Together We Heal, Inc.