Together We Heal

Together We Heal is for any who suffer from the trauma of Childhood Sexual Abuse. We are here to provide a safe forum for survivors of abuse to share, learn and heal, give direction to those seeking guidance and to expose sexual predators for what they are and their methods of getting into our lives.


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4 Ways the Pain of Childhood Trauma Impacts Us as Adults

As a fellow survivor, one of the things I always try to pass along are insights I have learned that have helped me personally. I feel as though this is how we can best help one another. Fortunately, I have had the benefit of some amazing therapists, learned from others trained specifically in trauma, and made sure to pay attention to other survivors who really knew what I had been through. The following article is another one of these from Dr. Andrea Brandt. I hope her words help you or someone you love. Please read and share!

David

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Whether you witnessed or experienced violence as a child or your caretakers emotionally or physically neglected you, when you grow up in a traumatizing environment you are likely to still show signs of that trauma as an adult.

Children make meaning out of the events they witness and the things that happen to them, and they create an internal map of how the world is. This meaning-making helps them cope. But if children don’t create a new internal map as they grow up, their old way of interpreting the world can damage their ability to function as adults.

While there are many aftereffects of childhood emotional trauma, here we’ll look specifically at four ways childhood emotional trauma impacts us as adults.

  1. The False Self

As a childhood emotional trauma therapist, I see many patients who carry childhood emotional wounds with them into adulthood. One way these wounds reveal themselves is through the creation of a false self.

As children, we want our parents to love us and take care of us. When our parents don’t do this, we try to become the kind of child we think they’ll love. Burying feelings that might get in the way of us getting our needs met, we create a false self—the person we present to the world.

When we bury our emotions, we lose touch with who we really are, because our feelings are an integral part of us. We live our lives terrified that if we let the mask drop, we’ll no longer be cared for, loved, or accepted.

The best way to uncover the authentic you underneath the false self is by talking to a therapist who specializes in childhood emotional trauma and can help you reconnect with your feelings and express your emotions in a way that makes you feel both safe and whole.

  1. Victimhood Thinking

What we think and believe about ourselves drives our self-talk. The way we talk to ourselves can empower or disempower us. Negative self-talk disempowers us and makes us feel like we have no control over our lives — like victims. We may have been victimized as children, but we don’t have to remain victims as adults.

Even in circumstances where we think we don’t have a choice, we always have a choice, even if it’s just the power to choose how we think about our life. We have little to no control over our environments and our lives when we’re children, but we’re not children anymore. It’s likely we are more capable of changing our situation than we believe.

Instead of thinking of ourselves as victims, we can think of ourselves as survivors. The next time you feel trapped and choice-less, remind yourself that you’re more capable and in control than you think.

  1. Passive-Aggressiveness

When children grow up in households where there are only unhealthy expressions of anger, they grow up believing that anger is unacceptable. If you witnessed anger expressed violently, then as an adult you might think that anger is a violent emotion and therefore must be suppressed. Or, if you grew up in a family that suppressed anger and your parents taught you that anger is on a list of emotions you aren’t supposed to feel, you suppress it, even as an adult who could benefit from anger.

What happens if you can’t express your anger? If you’re someone who suppresses your upset feelings, you likely already know the answer: Nothing. You still feel angry—after all, anger is a natural, healthy emotion we all experience—but instead of the resolution that comes with acknowledging your anger and resolving what triggered it, you just stay angry. You don’t express your feelings straightforwardly, but since you can’t truly suppress anger, you express your feelings through passive-aggressiveness.

  1. Passivity

If you were neglected as a child, or abandoned by your caretakers, you may have buried your anger and fear in the hope that it would mean no one will ever abandon or neglect you again. What happens when children do this, though, is that we end up abandoning ourselves. We hold ourselves back when we don’t feel our feelings. We end up passive, and we don’t live up to our potential. The passive person says to him or herself, “I know what I need to do but I don’t do it.”

When we bury our feelings, we bury who we are. Because of childhood emotional trauma, we may have learned to hide parts of ourselves. At the time, that may have helped us. But as adults, we need our feelings to tell us who we are and what we want, and to guide us toward becoming the people we want to be.

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Originally Posted on Psychology Today

Andrea Brandt, Ph.D., is a marriage and family therapist located in Santa Monica California. Andrea brings over 35 years of clinical experience to the role of individual family therapist, couples counseling, group therapy and anger management classes.  


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Want To Reduce Mental Illness? Want To Save The World? Address Trauma.

I just finished reading this article by Dr. Laura Kerr and wanted to share it with you. In it, she brings to light what all of us who have survived childhood sexual abuse understand all too well, that trauma takes a tremendous toll on us. I won’t attempt to give my own interpretation on it as 1) You are all intelligent thinkers and 2) Her words stand alone without me needing to pontificate. 🙂

Please read this insightful article on the underlying issue that faces so many…trauma.

http://www.laurakkerr.com/2014/01/05/address-trauma/


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Together We Heal guest blog on Rachel Grant Coaching – Week 3

As you know by now, we are doing a 4 week guest blog for Rachel Grant Coaching. Our third week is how the trauma of childhood sexual abuse can change your DNA. I know that you will be shocked at the recent scientific discoveries. As with the previous two weeks, please go to the link to her site, read and share with us your thoughts. We want to thank Rachel for the opportunity to reach even more survivors and hopefully help them on their journey of healing.

http://rachelgrantcoaching.blogspot.com/2013/02/the-abused-addict-how-trauma-can-change.html

Thank you all for your support of survivors everywhere.

David


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The Abused Addict – How Trauma Can Change Your DNA

Months ago I was a guest blogger on “Rachel Grant Coaching” and came across some fascinating research regarding how trauma can impact the DNA of survivors of childhood sexual abuse.

Did I read that correctly? Childhood Sexual Abuse can alter my DNA???

What is wrong with me? Why can’t I move on like others are? I stopped using drugs to numb my pain from being sexually abused, and I am facing my demons with a sober mind. Why am I stuck, feeling depressed, anxious, having all of these negative thoughts when I know there is light at the end of the tunnel, not an oncoming train?!

I have since learned that the damage done was much farther reaching than I could have ever imagined. I wondered why it felt like it was taking me longer to work through my struggles than others who had “just abused or were just addicted to drugs regardless of sexual abuse.” I recently found a potential reason behind this struggle.

Without getting so nerdy that you are bored to tears, here is the bottom line. Researchers and scientists have documented for the first time that childhood trauma leaves mark on the DNA of some victims. These changes have been shown in three genes: the FKBP5, the 5-HTTLPR, and the CRHR1.

They have determined that some abused children are at a higher risk of anxiety and mood disorders due to traumatic experiences that can induce lasting changes to their gene regulation. As a result, those affected find themselves less able to cope with stressful situations throughout their lives, frequently leading to depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, or anxiety disorders in adulthood. Therefore, they are less able to process and work through their personal challenges, sometimes even leading to suicide.

We talk about DNA as if it’s a template, like a mold for a car part in a factory. But DNA isn’t really like that. It’s more like a script. Think of Romeo and Juliet, different directors using different actors produce different versions. Both productions used Shakespeare’s script, yet the two are entirely different. Identical starting points, different outcomes.

The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study is one of the largest investigations ever conducted to assess associations between childhood maltreatment and later-life health and well-being.

More than 17,000 Health Maintenance Organization (HMO) members undergoing a comprehensive physical examination chose to provide detailed information about their childhood experience of abuse, neglect, and family dysfunction.

The ACE Study findings suggest that certain experiences the leading causes of illness and death as well as poor quality of life in the United States. Progress in preventing and recovering from the nation’s worst health and social problems is likely to begin by understanding that many of these problems arise as a consequence of adverse childhood experiences.

Possible legal and policy implications of this area of research remain far in the future, but could include identifying earlier critical periods for childhood intervention programs, better understanding abuse as a mitigating factor if the person is later convicted of a crime related to an abnormal stress response, or calculating damages in a civil lawsuit against the abusive caregiver. The most significant implication is better understanding epigenetic pathology caused by childhood abuse and neglect, which may be an important part of a multi-faceted approach towards treating survivors of abuse who continue to suffer from its lasting effects.

So once again, here is an even stronger validation by scientists on the cutting edge of DNA study why we MUST do all we can to prevent childhood sexual abuse in order to ensure that children do not suffer the trauma and long-lasting effects.

Doctors and scientists hope these discoveries will yield new treatment strategies tailored to individual patients, as well as increased public awareness of the importance of protecting children from trauma and its consequences. And isn’t that the true bottom-line—protecting children from trauma in the first place?

References

– MPI of Psychiatry, Munich Germany, 2003-2012
– Nature Neuroscience 2012
– Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, Division of Violence Prevention
– Maggie Brown, MS, ELS
– Intramural Research Program of the National Institute on Alcohol and Alcoholism
– Colin A. Hodgkinson, PhD
– Pei-Hong Shen, MS
– Dr. Sarchiapone
– The Epigenetics Revolution: How Modern Biology Is Rewriting Our Understanding of Genetics, Disease, and Inheritance, by Nessa Carey (Columbia University Press, 2012).
– Christine Heim, Bekh Bradley, Tanja C. Mletzko, Todd C. Deveau, Dominique L. Musselman, Charles B. Nemeroff, Kerry J. Ressler, and Elisabeth B. Binder
– Benoit Labonte, Volodymyr Yerko, Jeffrey Gross, Naguib Mechawar, Michael J. Meaney, Moshe Szyf, and Gustavo Turecki. Differential Glucocorticoid Receptor Exon 1B, 1C, and 1H Expression and Methylation in Suicide Completers with a History of Childhood Abuse. Biological Psychiatry, 2012
– NIMH
– National Institute on Drug Abuse and the National Center for Research Resources
– National Institutes of Health
– Emory and Grady Memorial General Clinical Research Center and the Burroughs Wellcome Fund
– Binder EB, Bradley RG, Wei L, Epstein MP, Deveau TC, Mercer KB, Tang Y, Gillespie CF, Heim CM, Nemeroff CB, Schwartz AC, Cubells JF, Ressler KJ. Association of FKBP5 Polymorphisms and Childhood Abuse With Risk of Posttraumatic Stress Disorder Symptoms in Adults. Journal of the American Medical Association, 299 (11): 1291-1305. March 18, 2008.
– Kelly Lowenberg, The Stanford Center for Law and Biosciences
– Moshe Szyf, a McGill University epigeneticist, and Michael Meaney, a McGill University neurologist

Copyright © 2014 Together We Heal, Inc.